Black Folks, Let’s Face it, We’re Bad Travelers
This goes out to every so-called Black American person with a passport — we suck
I’m going to start this build by stating that I’m putting myself at the top of this list. Having that been said, it took me years (six exactly) to learn how to maneuver abroad, and over this course of time, I’ve noticed something about so-called Black Americans with passports — we suck at traveling.
We’re creative and demonstrate genius in other endeavors; we know how to set trends and styles, but when it comes to travel, collectively, we’re a bunch of lames.
Here’s why.
We’re Late — Straight CPT, we arrive at places late or embrace certain travel movements after everyone else and think we’re flexing. Did you see all those Passport Bros who went out to Thailand in the wake of COVID-19? What they failed to realize is that so-called White dudes have been smutting out that place for several decades.
Black women, y’all aren’t any better, turning up in Bali or spots in Mexico a decade after the Caucasians have already moved on.
Don’t let me get started on the so-called Black Youtubers who now claim that they’re digital nomads when that movement got started as early as 2008.
We Follow — We usually wait for WYPIPO to set a place off. Once WYPIPO make a travel destination hot, we follow them there, and as I mentioned, by the time we find out about a spot, it’s usually done.
Passport Flexing — Passport stamps have become a status. I’ve actually seen a rapper with a diamond studded passport piece flooded with diamonds.
Thanks to the Passport Bros, travel stamps have become Jordans or spinning rims. Your local barber shop is full of the just-got-back-negroes:
“I just got back from Colombia.”
“I just got back from Rio.”
At best, these ninjas took a two-week vacation and blew a significant portion of their salary on big booty hoes and don’t speak the foreign language of the country “they just got back” from.
The bottom line is that traveling to a foreign country for sex is not a flex; take care of your business and keep your mouth shut.
We Don’t Gatekeep — I’m a big fan of the travel film THE BEACH, which is about a community of travelers living on a remote island in Thailand. The goal of the expats was to maintain their community while keeping the island’s paradisiac beach a secret.
The community knew that their location had to remain confidential because if the masses found out about the island, too many people would come and fuck it up. Eventually, that’s what happened.
That’s also what has happened in so-called Black travel circles since COVID-19. The terms “POOKIES, RAY-RAYS, and KEISHAS” have been thrown around, describing the undesirables entering the travel sphere.
Travel influencers, y’all invited them, the WorldStar Hip Hop crowd has turned up, and they’re fucking things up abroad. If you don’t believe me, check social media for “Black in Tulum.”
When it comes to travel and so-called Black folks, everybody can’t go — nor should they. So when and if you find a good spot, remember the code of the streets and keep it to yourself.
One thing I’ve noticed about Caucasians who live abroad is that they gatekeep, even amongst their own.
We Focus on Pleasure — We have the most financial resources out of any so-called group of Black people on the planet, yet the majority of our travel movements are pleasure-based. Again, so-called Black women can point fingers at the Passport Bros and their sexual adventures, but yall have been doing the same thing since Stella got her groove back, and at best, all you do is go to a foreign country, take a photo and stick your ass and tits out — or twerk at some historical site.
We’re Toxic — For the most part, when we travel, we don’t support one another, and we hate on each other. Honestly, it wasn’t always like this. Before traveling became a flex, when you were on the road and you saw a brother or sister from back home, you’d often peace them out; now, everyone is in competition, trying to outdo one another.
The Worst Travel Influencers — Capitalizing on trauma associated with the pandemic, travel influencers have taken over social media, and basically, these people just regurgitate all of the content that was on the blogs a decade ago.
Black Travel influencers are the worst and usually go viral for the wrong reasons; this includes creating controversial content in foreign countries and not knowing when to shut up. Look at the example of the young Passport Bro who blew up the spot in Brazil, the young lady who got booted from Bali for arguing on social media, and the idiot who got her entire YouTube channel suspended for reckless behavior.
Unfortunately, the COVID-19 Black travel influencers have spawned a new class of loudmouths who, for the most part, aren’t doing anything other than entertaining and trying to pass off their cursory vacation experience as living abroad.
Beyond all of the loudmouth shit, Black travel influencers, specifically Passport Bro Youtubers, have continuously (as early as the beginning of this summer) encouraged brothers to go to places like Medellin, Colombia, despite the high number of tourism-related deaths over the last few years.
Jokes aside, some of you ninjas have blood on your hands.
If you’re you’re reading this, know that I’ve contacted the US Department of State and provided them the names of every so-called Black person in America who has a passport. By the time you finish this article, your passport will have been revoked — or, just like messages from Inspector Gadget, your passport will self-destruct — unless you cash app me $50.
Even if your passport hasn’t been revoked, it should be; you have the responsibility to burn it or place it in a safe without the key, close it, and never travel again.
Word to Mobb Deep, if I see any of you overseas, so-called Black men or women, don’t say anything to me, or I might get on some high school shit and punch you in the face for no fucking reason.
Clarke Illmatical is a writer and director from Queens, New York. He’s lived in Brazil, China, Taiwan, Cambodia, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Tanzania, Mexico and Guatemala.
He’s the author of the book HOMEBOY AND THE PYRAMIDS: A TRAVEL GUIDE FOR THE SO-CALLED BLACK MAN, which will be available in 2025.